Gratitude to Parents - How can we feel anything but?

Having just been home recently, of late I reflect a lot on what my parents have done for me, and at such times my heart would melt and I would almost always cry as a result… cry with tears of deep gratitude.


The Buddha said: “Just as a mother would guard her only child, even at the risk of her own life, even so towards all beings, let me cultivate boundless love”.


My mother has 4 children, but even then I have already felt her tremendous love, much less if I were her only child. It really melts my heart how she would go the distance to ensure that we, her children, are well and happy. Just being near her and observe how she takes care of us is enough to know how much she cares for each one of us. At home, I was treated like a king while on the contrary, I feel that I’m the one who should have treated her like a king. How much has she gone through to raise us and take care of us? She would eat the bad food and keep for us the good ones. She doesn’t mind being left cold as long as we’re left warm. It reminds me of the virtues of a mother as told by the Buddha.


I remember reading an article by a monk relating how his mother would eat very little so as to ensure that her children have enough to eat. I’m sure my mom will do that too. But I’m not sure if I will. How embarrassing it is to think that instead of trying all ways to repay our debt of gratitude to our parents, out of our own ignorance and ingratitude, we mistreat them or think of them as unimportant. How blind have I been, that instead of looking at their virtues and emulate them, I zoomed in on their shortcomings and tried to correct them. J What a shame!

Once, I sat down with my mom and thanked her for the many little things she’s done that warm my heart. She asked thank her for what. I said I thank her for preparing my meal, for fixing my clothes, for buying me food that I like, for putting up with me, for taking care of me. She said that those are the things she’s very happy to do. I know I will always owe her. I know I won’t be able to completely repay my debt of her kindness.


So here and now, I make a resolution to be to others what she’s been to me and to give to others what she’s given to me – her kindness, love, warmth and care, as a way to sincerely thank her for all that she’s done for me.

Reflection on Board

Medan, 14th Feb 2005

I was sitting in the waiting room waiting to board the plane, and below is what came to mind then...

There's meeting, there's separation.

In meeting up, the most important is the person we are with.

Why bother so much with petty things, who's right and who's wrong.

Soon we'll have to separate.

Why not treasure the moment and be the best that you can to the ones you love?

If he speaks, listen. Don't talk back.

Be the best that you can to him... for him...

because the only time you can do so is the time when you are with him.

(PS: him == father or anyone U love)

Pervert

I like things that upset many. Hence the title. The earliest occurrence, as far as I can remember, was sparked by Ajahn Lee. Somewhere in his book, he wrote (paraphrased): “Good things are bad things. Bad things are good things. Good things like praise, pleasure, and fame are bad for the heart. Things like criticism and displeasure are good for the heart.” I was pretty puzzled when I first come across this, but after some time, I began to see his point and really appreciated what was said. The deep appreciation comes from the very truth in what Ajahn Lee put across.

Once when I went to a Dhamma class at Mahaprajna, the shifu told us jokingly that he once anyhow gave a Dhamma name Hui Si (Meaning: Can Die) to a lay devotee, and the person got very upset. When I heard that, I thought the name was very nice, and so adopted it myself. I find the name very nice because it’s so much in line with reality, simple yet truthful, in no way trying to deny the truth and instead see it as it really is, in full acceptance.

On another occasion, I read Ajahn Brahm relating a story of the time when he was sick. Ajahn Chah paid him a visit and he got very pleased because he highly regarded Ajahn Chah and it was really an honor to him that Ajahn Chah paid him a visit. However, he got very upset when Ajahn Chah opened his mouth. Instead of consoling him or wishing him well soon, Ajahn Chah said, “You will either get better, or you will die.”

When I read that, I thought that was well-said, and on the right occasion! I would be happy to be offered such words when I got sick. It actually takes quite a bit of courage to speak the truth in such matter-of-factly-manner.

On yet another occasion, BW told me of a strict Zen meditation centre where the teacher will hit the students with a stick if they are sleepy while meditating. I got really excited to learn about that!
There’s a reason for this tendency: I’m constantly seeking for places or occasions that are favourable for cleansing the heart, and getting away from what is favourable to the defilements but endanger the practice! Things that are favourable to the defilements always seem very nice and naturally makes us inclined towards them, like praises, comfort, company of friends, good food, idle talks… Yet, if we let ourselves get carried away by them, they are bound to wipe out the goodness in us: make us forget ourselves, forget the training/ Dhamma, and just be slave to the defilements!