Self-Conceit VS Trust

If not for a request for article by SPBS, I wouldn't have opened up my folder and read my writings. :)

It has been a while that I don't write and can't write lengthily. When it comes to writing, I have almost nothing to write about. The mind just goes 'plong' - blank. Even at times when I have the inspiration to write, what comes out is only a very summarized version. Find the writing below has a good point to offer. Just like to share it with whoever frequent my blog. May you be well and happy. :)


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We can use explosives to level a mountain and then move the earth. But the tight grasping of our self-conceit--oh man! The wise can teach us to our dying day, but they can't get rid of it. It remains hard and fast. Our wrong ideas and bad tendencies remain so solid and unbudging, and we're not aware of it. So the wise have said that removing this self-conceit and turning wrong understanding into right understanding is about the hardest thing to do.
From: Ajahn Chah – Understanding Dukkha

How true it is. In the course of our practice of the path, self-conceit is to be feared most. Looking back, I realized there’re times when I don’t see others’ point of view simply because I hold on tightly to my self-conceit. There’re times when I thought I’ve understood so much so that no one is better than I am. What illusion! And that self-conceit is by far the biggest stumbling block to our progress in the path.

Now that I see how dangerous self-conceit is, I always make it a point to keep self-conceit in check. No true communication and learning can take place between teacher-student if one maintains one’s self-conceit. Indeed, if we put down our self-conceit, we open up the possibility for our learning by a great degree. Recently I have a lot of two-way-discussions with a Dhamma sister whom I deem to be very advanced in her practice. When we talk, I trust her 100%. I don’t doubt her at all, and I am very sure that whatever she told me is for my benefit. She would point out to me where I make mistakes, and I would listen. She would show me,” See, this is your 5 hindrances [1] overpowering you”, and I would check myself to see the 5 hindrances, instead of talking back and said that she’s misunderstood me.

Over time, I come to see how this attitude benefits me so much. If I were to hold on to my self-conceit and refuse to listen to her, or if I doubt her, all I would have to deal with is my emerging self-conceit and pride. This self-conceit and pride stand in the way of my learning process, and I would lose the opportunity to deal with the 5 hindrances directly, with the help of a precious teacher. So when I listen to her, I put my self-conceit to rest. And I listen to her whole-heartedly and check myself to see where I have done wrong. Our communication deepens, because we trust each other and are willing to learn from each other, and we both know that we care for each other’s welfare and progress in the path.

This attitude of trusting is very valuable, and I get to appreciate it more and more. It’s because she knows that I trust her and that I know she doesn’t tell me things just so that I know how good she is but for my benefit, that she is willing to guide me and help me in areas where I have difficulties. And when she asks me questions, I would tell her what really is, without fearing that she would misunderstand me or that she would think badly of me or that the information I give her will harm her in certain ways or hamper her progress. We learn so much through trusting each other.

Self-conceit makes one wants to win a conversation just to feel that “I am right” and strive to steer the conversation in a way that others would agree that “I am right”, and more often than not ending up not letting one have a satisfying conversation/ discussion with others because one can’t convince others that one is right. One of my friends once told me, “We can never have a satisfying discussion because everyone thinks he is right and wants to convince others so. And everyone’s opinions differ.”

On the other hand, trusting each other allows us to have very satisfying discussions. We always end up feeling that we’ve learnt very valuable lessons from the other. And we always want to come back for more. I am keen to learn where I have done wrong, where I’ve developed unwholesome attitudes, and she’s willing to point out to me. Whatever she says enriches my understanding and sometimes it becomes food for thought for me. At the end of the day, I only feel deep gratitude to her, for pointing out the way to me. I feel that she takes care of me just like a mother would to her child. And for that, I’m deeply thankful.



[1] The Five Hindrances are: sensual desire, ill-will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and remorse, and doubt. For more information on the Five Hindrances, see http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/bps/wheels/wheel026.html