DLMC - Mon 23 Apr 2007

Meditation: Did 1.5 hour absorption and was very happy I did it. Start to get the balance. Need to still the wandering thoughts, then my work is done.

Saw cat's faeces last night and the sense of disgust engulfed me, almost drawn me. Stilled the mind and looked at it as physical element. I cleaned it up this morning, without the sense of disgust anymore. It's amazing how, when I was overcome with disgust, it took over my mind that the faeces seems so overwhelming. In fact it is just a small thing. The mind is making a mountain out of a mole hill.

There seems to be a persistent sense of urgency: I can't be lazy, have to put in effort, cos I don't know when I will die. I don't want death to catch me when I'm not mindful. Thus, be mindful all the time. And spread metta all the time too. The devas seem to respond to the metta energy, the way they do in BV.

Shall be mindful of my speech. Talk only when necessary. Avoid idle chatter. Keep noble silence as much as possible.

I'm not going into the "Bi Guan Suo" now as I need all those supporting conditions for my practice: opportunity to do service for the centre, exercise, being mindful off-cushion and while relating to people, enough rest, coffee.

Yesterday I was out of sort. I seemed a little disconnected from the world around me. Can't feel much joy and the meditation flatted. Attacked by Mara? Last night's evening puja saved me. I didn't do anything unwholesome though. Just find it strange how it happened. Not because I don't get enough rest for sure.

Maechee PJ talked to me about her problem yesterday. I have her a lengthy advice, but I think it felt on deaf ears. The main problem: She's not happy with shifu's reply. When doing problem-solving, attack it right at the root of the problem. Then remain quiet. I can offer a listening ear at best. No need for further advice.