The value of contentment: This is the basis for happiness to arise. When I'm concented to be where I am, I start to think of giving, servicing. I put energy into thinking how to develop goodness within me: I can reach out to this person in this way, I can be more proactive, I am grateful to that person for this reason, I can do more, I can give more, and I"m more than happy to do so. Conversely, when I'm discontented, the focus of attention is more on myself: where ELSE can I go so taht I can derive more benefit from staying in the place? What keeps me from leaving? How do I get the most out of staying put where I am?
In hindsight, I have been very discontented with staying at home. The insight is that I am discontented here too - was. This insight is so liberating, for I get to see that the source of discontentment is not outside of me - how the external environment is, but it is inside of me - what is my take on the environment I am in. When I am contented, I'm full; when I'm full, I'm happy. When I"m happy, I can give. I open up. Metta flows. On the contrary, when I'm discontented, I'm hungry. When I'm hungry, I grab. When I grab, I'm burned. When I'm burned, I'm unhappy.
In fact, that's the reason behind my inner happiness. I have, all this while, learnt to be contented - with what I have, wehre I am, what I am. I am Santussako - one who is contented.
I have gained so much in my staying here, especially because Ven. Hui Guang is not around. He was the main reason I chose to come here, and when my reason to come ceased to be, I have to reason out with myself in order to stay here. Now my reason is Ajaan Senit. It is not too difficult to see that if my reason to be is outside of me, sooner or later I will have to suffer, for external conditions keep changing. Watch out!
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